I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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