i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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