I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
