Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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