he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
