I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
