Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
