Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
