Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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