you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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