i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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