Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
