Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
