You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
