did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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