You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When are your genitals available?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize