it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
