Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
