I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
