I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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