those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
