Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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