it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
