She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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