I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
