oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
