so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
