WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
