You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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