Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You are the jesus of drinking
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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