You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
