I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
