I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
