5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
