I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
