It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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