I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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