At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
