I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
