If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
