The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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