Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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