Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
