Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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