there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
