Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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