No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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