Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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