It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
