I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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