Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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