he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize