I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
