My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize