Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
