Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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