drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
