My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
