I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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