she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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